...I have emotions and they aren't always positive. Sometimes they are negative like resetment, anger, fear, panic, regret. Usually before I even FEEL these emotions I'm reaching for something to eat. I have to address these feelings and instead of giving into the temptation to pretend I don't feel these things, talk about them. I need to get them out so they don't kill me.
How do you do this with a 14 month old that has you frustrated or, yes, even angry, because she won't stop shaking the lamp or trying to pull the laptop down on her head? She's angelic looking, have these bright blue eyes that will stop you in her tracks, and the most wonderful smile. Ever. But yes sometimes I'm angry with her. Upset.
So when she was shaking the lap and I was trying to get something done, I wanted to grab a cookie. I wanted to eat something. Anything in that moment. But instead I took a deep breath, and pulled her aside gently. I told her Mommy wasn't happy with her behavior and it was making me very upset. I didn't want the lamp to fall over onto her and hurt her.
Does she understand? Mostly, no. Maybe a little. But I felt better anyway. So I took her by the hands and spun her in circles until she giggled.
Then after awhile of play, we went off and had her afternoon snack.
Hopefully it'll be that easy all the time, but I doubt it. What happens if I want to tell my husband how I feel, who can talk back, and what if he says I have no RIGHT to feel that way?*
Dealing with Eva might be easy, but still that angry voice in my head said 'It's too hard. Just eat. You'll feel better.' Maybe for the few minutes it takes to eat, but when it's over, I know I'll feel worse.
*I doubt my husband who actually say those words, but he COULD!
No comments:
Post a Comment